Are you in control of your time?

Smartphones are something that I have big feelings about, yes I have one, yes I would be lost without it. However it used to own me, rather then me own it. It’s only by putting in boundaries have I taken back control.

I was keen to share my thoughts again about smartphones and especially with Children as it is currently coming on the agenda with hope for impactful people to start taking this seriously to support the child hood of children.

I get it parenting is hard, we are more busy then ever in our lives. So giving Children a smartphone to entertain them seems like a win win for everyone. Have you ever thought you might have more time for your children if you weren’t getting distracted by all the notifications, posts, news etc that is now available too easy.

On Dr Chatterjee weekly email he shared a very thought provoking Ted Talk, here is the link. I am going to share my notes and thoughts.

With the average person spending over 8hrs a day on social media, so this isn’t using the smart phone for work, household tasks, banking etc.

If you lived to the age of 90, this would mean you would of spent 26 years of that on socials. Wow!

So how does it keep you hooked?

It makes you chronically distracted and constantly changing attention which can be overstimulating your brain and you might not realise this, however it will be making your brain tired, its using your spoons which then mean you don’t have enough for daily life.

How do they keep your attention? TikTok changes the video every 15seconds so you don’t get bored, so you don’t put it down.

The companies business model is not aligned with wellbeing.

We are the product!

It's free because they Monetise you ! We pay for it with our time!

Advertisers pay for our future behaviour, they pay to collect our data to show us what is of interest to us in the moment to get us to buy from then.

Their profit is linked how long they can keep your attention, we pay their wages, their bonuses, they are highly motivated to keep our attention. One of the ways they learnt to do this was to look into gambling machines and used all the ways they get you hooked and converted that into their social platforms. So you might not gamble, totally against it, however you are gambling with your time. You are been addicted to the social world, which isn’t the real world, its what people want you to see.

It takes you away from focusing on you career, forming or deepening relationships. Liking someones picture isn’t a meaningful relationship. Yes it gives the recipient a quick dopamine hit, however you get so much more joy and dopamine from a strong connection with another person. Having likes doesn’t stop you been lonely. There is an endless list of things that matter that it can take you away from.

Stops you having joy in life, if you really think about it does seeing pictures or posts about other peoples lives really bring you joy? It might make you smile, like aww and then what else does it give to your life. Yes there is videos on there like exercises that might be useful, there is lots of useful ways, its learning to use it in moderation and to meet your needs.

How scary is it that you might learn your worth from how many people like your post, if no one likes it I am obviously a useless person. Remember your brain is stimulated more by negativity, it can believe the stories it tells itself from the reaction they get on social media.

It promotes that you capture your life on camera and not actually live it. Yes somethings you want to capture moments, have you thought though that when you do this are you actually present in the moment, what modelling are you doing for your family. Is it more important taking a picture/video then actually been with them?

Do you want to look back on your life and think did I live a real life?

I may look like a hypocrite as I am posting this on socials, I didn’t say it was all bad. I want to share what I have learnt myself and how it has helped me have more joy and happiness in my life.

Like I said there is useful areas of socials, we need to learn to use it in moderation.

My story I didn’t note how long I spent on Facebook and Instagram, however I would instively pick up my phone and go on it, how many times a day I dread to think. Then you start scrolling, there is so many posts that keeps your attention. When I realised I had a problem I went off completely, I needed to take the habit away to change it. Did it mean I missed things, yes and that’s why I came back on as there is useful information that is relevant to my life. So I came back on for what I needed for my life, I deleted everyone apart from people who were relevant to my need which was riding. Over time now I have boundaries in place, I have started to rebuild the friends, especially now my purpose in the world is to share and make a difference, I needed an audience to do this.

My boundary was I added that I would get a notification to the groups that are relevant, so I only clicked on the app when it showed I had a notification on my badge. Yes this took time to ensure I had no notifications on all the other apps I need, however it’s time well spent as it saves my time getting taken away unnecessarily.

I use you tube for exercise videos, I have play lists I only use these. I pick up my phone go to playlist for my movement that day and I look at nothing else as that’s all I need.

I have no notifications that give sounds, as I have my phone on silent. It will vibrate if someone calls me which I will feel and I feel if someone is calling me then its worth a distraction. My messages will come up on lock screen, I only know they are there when I choose to engage and check my phone.

I do use reminders and notes, they are my warehouse for the factory of my brain. I have each day in my notes and when I think of something I need to do I can put it down and then I don’t have to think about it anymore, same with reminders I have everything in there I need to remember so I don’t have to keep that in my brain,

So yes smart phone have uses.

Want to have a watch for yourself, here you go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TMPXK9tw5U&list=PLwAWbIQiqJ0D2gn5UJBPSOzvLROyqSl7f

Now for Children who don’t need to look after their bills, banking etc so why do they have a need?

Smartphones weren't designed for Children, they’ve ended up with them for convenience. In the UK, 89% of 12-year-olds now own one, and so do a quarter of children aged 5 to 7. On average, kids get their first smartphone aged nine.


All the points I have said about hooking our brain, is even more scary that children are getting pulled into this. Their brain is not developed enough for this, especially neurodiverse brains who emotional regulation is 30% behind, so if you are giving a 9 year old child with neurodiversity they are developed at around 6 year old for their regulation which is why this can be so negative impactful.

Here are some of the biggest issues:

Opportunity cost-Spending more time scrolling along, then moving playing indoors or out. If you feel they are safer inside then out a good resource is Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy.

Harmful content-Due to algorithms children see things that they were never meant to see. Once children see these things, they can never be unseen.

Mental health-Teenage anxiety, depression and self-harm rates have skyrocketed since 2010 – when kids started getting smartphones. Evidence shows a direct link between early smartphone use and declining mental health.

Addiction-Same for everyone is the companies motivation to keep us hooked and the children don’t have as many jobs they need to do so can sit there for hours hooked!

Attention-Children aren’t motivated or have the knowledge to manage their notification so they can receive hundreds a day, so again constant distraction is the new normal. Taking them away from schoolwork, hobbies or real-life friendships.

Family-Smartphones' addictive design means they can quietly start to take centre stage in family life – causing arguments, battles over screen time, and making it harder to share real, uninterrupted time together.

Cyberbullying-Arguments and fallouts used to end at the school gate. Now they follow kids home, lingering on their screens day and night – with no safe space to switch off, process or recover. They can be manipulated into sending pictures they shouldn’t and then once its send it can be used against them, sent to anyone. Anything you say can be used against you as can be screenshot and manipulated and twisted in many ways.

Sleep-The blue light from screens disrupts melatonin, making it harder to fall asleep, while endless scrolling and late-night notifications keep kids wired when they should be resting.

Grooming-TikTok, Snapchat, and Roblox aren’t just games for kids – they’re hunting grounds for predators. They’re often used by sexual predators to target children with their first smartphones

There is lots of useful information on this website, I have used some of this for context and added my own reflections.

https://www.smartphonefreechildhood.org/

I know there is lot of into to digest, think about your relationship with your smart phone, what does it give or take away from you?

As always here to chat and help, drop me a message

J x